Recently I got engaged whilst on holiday in Japan. I spoke about my great passion for the country in ‘Konichiwa Germany‘ but missed out this very special part. Most people would say how romantic (it was!) but I questioned my fiancé’s intentions.

Ein Verlobungsring PHOTO: Sarah E

No, he wasn’t asking to marry me for my money. I wondered if he was trying to escape humiliation. For later this year, he will turn 30 years old and technically be single as an unmarried male. Living in Bremen as a single male at 30 (even as an expat) means you have to take part in public shaming and sweep the steps of the local Rathaus. The town hall is chosen because this is the place that many Germans get married. Regardless of having a religious ceremony at a church, couples will have to officiate the marriage by attending a Standesamt (civil office) to complete the legal paperwork as clergy do not have the power to conduct an official marriage ceremony. Ruth shares how it speeds up many wedding days as the couple are already married before the big day of celebration.

Often the male has to wear a costume, of which I have seen them range from being a stormtrooper (a character from Star Wars) through to unsavoury outfits. To make the task more difficult friends and family will collect as many bottle tops as possible (quite an easy task in Germany) and drop these on to the steps for the male to sweep up. If he is lucky he will have a  sweeping brush, if not it could be a toothbrush. Luckily with this tradition, it involves the drinking of Schnapps which can ease the blushes of the individual as the crowds gather and cheer him on. Only once the male is kissed on the cheek by a female can the sweeping stop. Despite my fiancés proposal, he has not saved himself, he will still be put through his paces by his work colleagues. Unfortunately, I won’t get to witness the ordeal, perhaps for the best, I don’t want to have second thoughts. Females don’t escape this tradition though, although I did, phew. Unmarried women have to clean all the doorknobs on the way to the nearby cathedral, an act that is known as Klinken Putzen. I’d hate to think how many door handles there are between my apartment and St.Peter’s Cathedral in Bremen city centre.

Once you have built up a life in another country, how do you make the decision of where to get married? At first I jumped to the conclusion that we would marry in the UK. An easy decision, not a second thought. It is where the majority of our friends and family are and would be much easier to make plans and negotiate arrangements speaking English. Now that the news has sunk in, I’m starting to consider how nice it could be to get married here in Germany, our temporary home, or Austria. I have been a huge fan of Austria since I was a child due to my love for the ‘Sound of Music’ film and this love has grown since visiting Salzberg. Thoughts of a ceremony with the Bavarian Alps in the background have filled my mind as well as serving the traditional Schwarzwaldkirschetorte as the wedding cake before dancing to Schlage music at the evening reception celebration. Perhaps it’s easier to hire a centuries-old Schloss (castle) here than it would be at home, that would be the fairy tale wedding that only exists in Disney films.

My fiancé carefully selected my Verlobungsring (engagement ring) from a Schmuck (jewellery) store in Bremen without my knowledge. The German word for jewellery has amused us since we moved to the country as it has different connotations in England. I made it quite difficult for him as I wasn’t a ring wearer so he had little clue what size to get. As beautiful as it is, the ring was too big and is in the process of being resized. I was somewhat nervous about arranging the resizing with German jewellers. I wouldn’t know where to start in a jewellery shop back home so I was worried but the service in the Schmuck store was fantastic and put me at ease. It really helped that they explained in English about the process and how to decide what size is best for me, again I am thankfully to be living in a country where many people can speak English so well. During this process, I have learnt that the ring sizes are numerical rather than alphabetical, which is different to in the UK. I’m looking forward to showing off my Verlobungsring very soon. When the time comes to return home to settle in England, I will always remember my time as an expat in Germany as I will have a very shiny reminder on my finger.

If we do go ahead with getting married in our home country, we’ll certainly incorporate German traditions, we couldn’t not pay homage to our current host country, a place we have shared so many fond memories as a unverheiratetes happy couple.

– Sarah E

P.S. I’ll keep you posted on our wedding planning if it goes ahead in Germany.