One of the first questions people ask when you are having a baby is, “What’s the name?” Rightfully so, as names play an important part in a person’s future and say a lot about your hopes and dreams for your child. Are you raising a Sarah, or a Jasmine? A Hans or a Franz?

What would you name this baby? PHOTO: Erin Porter

Along with important decisions like finding a Hebamme, packing the hospital bag, Kita place, we had to pick a name for our latest Berliner. That proved one of the hardest things for us overall.

With our first child we decided on a name fairly quickly. Matilda is the protagonist of one of Roald Dahl’s most beloved books. The name is suitably German, yet familiar to English-speakers. It shortens pleasantly to a nickname (though we prefer “Maddy” to the German preference of “Tilda”). It is a name I could pronounce comfortably and Germans would understand.

But there were still tough decisions with this name. The traditional German spelling has an “h” and and an “e” for “Mathilde”. We also wanted “Berlin” in the name so if she ever moves away, this city that has meant so much to us and is her birthplace, it will be carried with her.

However, it was not just our opinion that mattered. After submitting the name at the hospital, it needed to be officially approved at the Standesamt. And it was a challenge to convince the Beamterin (official). Because in Germany, of course there are rules.

Let me explain…

Going to the Standesamt in Germany

My dad was visiting us for the birth, helping out with meals, heavy lifting, and taking care of our older daughter. He also had the treat of accompanying me to the Standesamt to get our baby’s name approved and birth certificate. I think he now has a better idea why there is dread in our voice whenever we talk about paperwork in Berlin.

We needed to get our baby’s documents quickly as we had a row of dominoes to knock down in order to fly back to the USA.  The timeline didn’t seem unreasonable when my baby was due May 6th and the flight was July 3rd. But then our little guy proved he is not so German after all, not making an appearance til May 15th. The first thing we needed was his birth certificate, followed by applying for his passport, health insurance and then travel insurance, Kindergeld application…the list goes on.

We had brought all of our paperwork to the hospital to submit. This included our birth certificates, his older sister’s birth certificate, marriage certificate, and anmeldung (registration). The hospital submits those documents within 7 days so we were at their mercy. (You can also go directly to the Standesamt to submit, but I heard doing it through the hospital is quick).

We received a letter from the Standesamt within the week. But as are holidays in Germany, office hours, and our luck – it was just before Männertag / Christi Himmelfahrt or Ascension and the office was closed the next day because it was Friday, on Wednesdays just because, and the next Thursday and Friday. My husband was away that Monday and Tuesday so that meant my dad, newborn baby and I were walking into the face of German bureaucracy.

Not a fun way to spend your time in Berlin. Dad assured us he was familiar with bureaucracy. “Like the DMV!” Yeah, but in another language and even more confusing.

Rathaus Pankow PHOTO: Erin Porter

We arrived there and climbed the stairs to find a sauna of a waiting hallway filled with families and babies. I read the number machine which was clearly not in service and tried to hide my panic that numbers may have already been given out for the day. It only had instructions on what to bring. Not helpful.

We found the room that was on my letter and sat down outside. Still trying to feign I had some idea what to do, I held onto my letter for dear life and watched numbers tick by slowly on the screen, none associated with the room I was assigned.

I went to one end of the hall, then the other. I talked to a few people. No one had any idea what to do. I loitered outside the office with another guy, intent on pouncing on whoever came out. But no one did.

Close to giving up, I sat down with dad. One lady from another office seemed helpful and answered a few questions for people so I put myself forward, offering the golden letter. She whisked it away into the office I was to go into and I felt some relief creep in. …Until she went back & forth a few times without my letter. I guess just wait?

Suddenly, a door opened and a worker said “next”. People motioned for me to go and I didn’t think I was next and hesitated – before getting my Berliner on, thanking them, and hustling inside.

It was the wrong office (for last names a-m), but she was incredibly helpful, dealing with my terrible German. Turns out she was the same lady who helped with our first child. She whizzed through the paperwork, but there were two hold-ups:

• Was I sure I wanted Rainier for a middle name? That isn’t actually a German name.
• Middle names also aren’t German.

I assured her we knew what we wanted. She wanted my husband’s signature that he agreed to such unconventional names, but I explained he was somewhere in Brandenburg on a KiTafaht (KiTa trip). She swore me to secrecy since his signature was on the documents and went through with it.

I bought a German and international birth certificate, paid 10 euro for each (trekking back to the bottom to pay), and we were on our way, very relieved. It all worked out, but it was so needlessly stressful. One sign designating we go into the offices in order would have relieved so much stress.

To understand more about why there was hesitation on a non-German name and middle name, it is important to go over some of the rules around German names.

Rules for German Names

• First names must indicate the gender of the child. No ambiguous “Jamie” or “Taylor” here. The one exception is if the first name is gender-neutral, the second first name needs to be clearly gender-descriptive.
• Names must not be negatively affect the well being of the child. That’s right, there are no new Hitlers. In any case…
• Last names are not acceptable, even famous ones like Shakespeare or Obama.
• Names of objects or products cannot be used as first names. Interestingly, Pepsi-Cola has been rejected, but Pepsi-Carola was approved
• Place names are generally unacceptable, but we were able to get the middle name of “Berlin” approved because it was a middle name and we are Americans. Judging by our country’s standards (which are close to none) that name was deemed acceptable. Other exceptions have been made like Dakota or Lafayette.
• There is a general standard of no more than 5 names. We had to push to have our middle name accepted a middle name, and not a hyphenated first name.
• Names from other languages are allowed, but must be common names somewhere in the world. The Standesamt may even call that country’s embassy to verify that it is a common name and gender specific.

If your name is rejected, you can appeal the decision. But it may still be rejected and you will need to supply a different name and the fee.  For cases in dispute, the Standesamt often refers to a massive book of names or consult foreign embassies as mentioned before. Perhaps because of the hassle, many Germans select fairly traditional names.

As to what we named our little guy? We went with “Leopold”, or “Leo”. And it was – thankfully – approved.